The last one caught my attention, but they're all worth a read.
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.
Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933)
Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902)
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005)
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.