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Peter Sheil

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Funnies [Aug. 29th, 2004|05:53 pm]
Peter Sheil
Need a smile? The following were supposedly written by GCSE students on exam papers. I've no idea where I found this but the file had a creation date of February this year. I'm not quite sure what they say about the life styles of the students concerned, but it can't be good!


It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you've accidentally stapled it to the wall

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 legs missing

He was deeply in love; when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze lijke an oscillating fan set on medium

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no-one had ever seen before

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from 'I can't believe its not butter'

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

The young fighter had a hungry look. The kind you get from not eating for a while

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick red crayon

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play

John and Mary had never met. They were also like two hummingbirds who had never met

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field towards each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6.35 pm travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4.19pm at a speed of 35mph

The hailstones leaped from the pavement just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree

He face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had been gently compressed by a thigh-nmaster

His thoughts tumbled in his head. making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't

McMurphy fell 12 storeys, hitting the pavement like a paperbag filled with vegetable soup

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

[User Picture]From: feath
2004-08-29 10:14 am (UTC)


*still laughing!*
They are brilliant I say! May I please, please rip them off to post in my lj???
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[User Picture]From: petersheil
2004-08-29 10:18 am (UTC)

Re: Brilliant!

sure, as I said I can't remember where I got them.

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From: gorgeous_yulia
2004-08-30 12:35 am (UTC)
even I couldnt create such masterpieces ;-)
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[User Picture]From: petersheil
2004-08-30 09:14 am (UTC)
They do create some unique imagery don't they?

Ah English, what tricks you play on those who learn ...
What verbs, irregular, and nouns of strange hue
Set to catch the unwary on their journey
To fluency.
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From: gorgeous_yulia
2004-08-30 11:24 pm (UTC)
hehe beautiful ;-) is it by Peter Shakespeare?

by the way are you English?
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[User Picture]From: petersheil
2004-08-31 01:46 am (UTC)
Peter Shakespeare

:) close, if you change the surname ariund a bit.

Yep, I'm English but I've worked abroard in Europe (that should probably be "mainland Europe" but we are quite GB centric here :) There was even a newspaper headline once that said "Fog in Channel, Europe cut off" :) ) so some of my attitudes are more pro-europe than some.

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[User Picture]From: motherwell
2004-08-31 12:47 pm (UTC)
That "journey to fluency" doesn't involve too many roundabouts, does it?
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[User Picture]From: petersheil
2004-08-31 02:17 pm (UTC)
Oh yes, and some of them are magic!
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[User Picture]From: invader_kitty
2004-09-04 11:52 am (UTC)
This is priceless! I've linked it from my Lj, hope you dont mind :)
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