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Peter Sheil

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April 15th, 2004

Jokes [Apr. 15th, 2004|11:14 am]
Peter Sheil
A whole series of jokes from a community to which I belong. It's a big post, so I put most of them behind a cut.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man +smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man +dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss +smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Click for the rest of the jokes ...Collapse )
Peace
peter
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Quotes of the Day [Apr. 15th, 2004|12:23 pm]
Peter Sheil
Hmm ... a tough choice here ... I think I like them all, so you decide which ones you prefer.

Peace
peter

The world is my lobster.
Henry J. Tillman

There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government.
Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

All television is children's television.
Richard P. Adler

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
P. G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975)
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Oh ... oh ... oh ... OH ... OOOHHHHHHH ... YES [Apr. 15th, 2004|12:41 pm]
Peter Sheil
Got your attention yet?

Here are two quotes on orgasm :) [just DONT ask why I was looking for them :)]

The first is for the computer geeks and the second for the more thoughtful readers. Enjoy :)
peter

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
Seymore Cray, on virtual memory

The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment.
Malcolm Muggeridge
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