Peter Sheil

Please groan quietly :)

Modern day Tommy Cooper gags

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
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I never saw an ugly thing in my life: for let the form of an object be what it may - light, shade, and perspective will always make it beautiful.
John Constable

He not busy being born is busy dying.
Bob Dylan

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
George S. Patton

It is very strange that the years teach us patience - that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.
Elizabeth Taylor, "A Wreath of Roses"