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DAUGHTER'S LETTER HOME FROM COLLEGE - Peter Sheil [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Peter Sheil

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DAUGHTER'S LETTER HOME FROM COLLEGE [Aug. 7th, 2002|07:45 am]
Peter Sheil
An exact replica of a letter a daughter wrote to her parents
from college:

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have
been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my
thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you
up to date now, but, before you read on, please sit down.

YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN, OKAY?

Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull
fracture, and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the
window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my
arrival, are pretty well healed now. Fortunately, the fire in
the dormitory and my jump, were witnessed by an attendant at
the gas station near the dorm. He was the one who called the
fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the
hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burned
out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his
apartment with him and his three buddies. It's really a basement
room, but it's kind of cute.

He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are
planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but
it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes, Mom and Dad,
I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being
grandparents! I know you will welcome the baby and give it the
love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.

The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend
has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our
pre-marital blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him.
This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am
having daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with
open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is
ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than
ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not permit
you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is different
than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family
background is good, too, for I am told that his father is an
important weapons dealer in the village in Africa from which
he came.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that
there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a
skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant
and I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no
man (of any color) in my life.

However, I got a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science, and I
wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.

Your Loving Daughter

Linda.
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